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Monthly Archives: September 2008

with being hurt
and thinking i have chances
and wanting love


the worst thing you could ever throw at me..  is change. I hate it! Im a pure product of parentals divorce (2 of them, actually), and have been through 7 schools since kindergarten through till grade 12. talk about lack of consistancy.

the only thing in my life that is consistant, is my messyness. If i was at home, in my room in Barrie i’d be going crazy wanting to clean it..but not now. My messy room is familiar to me..and even though its awful.. i like it.


Ive always liked writing. Even in public school, writing stories and journal time were always my favourite. I love blogging, journaling and thinking. However, when it comes to paper and essay writing, im almost 110% useless. what do you think im supposed to be doing now?


im not kidding, it was that great.
Jessie, Carissa, Russ, John and Jordan pulled in at 8pm on Friday night, John bought me a lovely housewarming gift, 2 fish named Frodo and Freddy. We went to wild wings, the peterborough zoo, all around peterborough and to the movies. I decided to go home with them so that i couuld suprise my connexus fam, and my own fam.
Today was amazing. I went to bed last night thinking that i was going to sleep late, and go to the late service with my family, but it was almost like i couldnt. I woke up on my own (which i rarely do) at 6:30am and couldnt fall back asleep, so i woke up my mom and asked her to drive me to church so i could help set up. I somehow was talked into helping small group lead and doing worship.
and i was so happy..  leading worship for those kids is such a privledge i didnt realize until today. Seeing them all dance and worship and knowing that I helped them on their walk with God this summer is so remarkable to me. I wish i could spend this year with them, kidding around and dancing and singing with them. Every kid that i have a personal friendship with from pre kindergarten to my inside out girls were shocked and so happy to see me, and the feelings were 110% mutual.

Im so glad i got to see my friends this weekend. Making pancakes, being ridiculous and just sitting back and enjoying our friendship is already missed so much.

for less than 24 hours. im wearing my moms trackpants with a towel turban after having a hot bath sitting on my couch in my living room in my home in barrie.
not peterborough.
i suprised my best friend tonight. i got her boyfriend to bring her over to pick up some stuff she had left here, and when she came into my room to get her stuff i jumped up! I wanted to cry right then and there. We walked to macs, walked to scotts, walked around the subdivision. thats what barrie is..its my home.. i walk to the convenience store at unconvenient hours of the night. Im with sarah, 24/7, and I take baths and sleep in my big warm bed, and i never have problems sleeping.
Im trying to think of all these clever ways to not go bck to peterborough.
i wish i could stay
today while driving my friend john and i were tlking and he asked me if i thought i would go home when i was done my degree.

and i want to.
really badly.
is this what ill always be like? i mean, i know im a mamas girl. but this is pathetic. i think

Ah. So much tension in my body is causing me to just. freak out.

When I was little I went to this cute little church in Elmvale. It was the best. Great worship, grest message, great fellowship, awesome friends, but something about that church my grandma didnt like, so i lost all my friends there, and we went to trinity. now, my grandma doesnt like trinity because its all “in the past” alot of my friends dont like connexus because its to modern, or they didnt enjoy it one time.

But why? any church, is run by the same person, and they believe in the same thing. It’s all about God, not because you didnt get along with one person, or you didnt like one single thing about it.
After the heartbreak series, I erally want to understand what truly breaks God’s heart. Don’t you think that bitterness towards all his children and his church brings him so much pain?
My one thing about the world that i dont get is why everyone is so angry at everyone. i just dont understand.

so i thought i would give up on you. seemed like we were cruisin right down a dead end.

Turns out, theres a way to turn around.
guess i wont give up quite yet.

For a few days my eye was in ridiculous amounts of pain and i couldnt figure out why.
this morning i woke up with an amazing black eye
then i remembered.

in my little closet thers a shelf and before gillian made my closet look nice i just threw all my clothes on the shelf and they were falling so i jumped up, thinking i would be able to stop them? and whaled myself in the face with a massive wooden coat hanger. I did this twice, once to the face, once to the neck.

oh me.

this video was shown in my comm lecture yesterday.  gave me a good chuckle.