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Last night, i sobbed and sobbed..  i had no idea what it was like to be happy. im not even kidding. i couldnt force myself to smile, nor did i even want to smile.  i didnt answer texts, and i didnt want to be around anyone
thats not me
but thats what ive been feeling the past few weeks. just rock bottom sort of feelings. I thought of stopping twittering, i wrote that post about no blogging, and i closed my facebook down for 3 days

I must admit.. i havent exactly been “Sarah” since moving to Peterborough.  Ive drank more than I normally would ( like.. half a sip is my usual..which is enough to make me feel it) I swear like an angry truck driver in a traffic jam, and i get roughly 3 hours of sleep a week. that i dont even exagerate.
and thats the thing
that isnt me.

so this is why i dont want to blog, or tweet, or facebook. im not me. and the updates youll see, wont be from me.  They will be from some girl, who has been taken over and captured, and wants to break free so bad. Today at church, i smiled and hysterically laughed for like an hour for the first time in soo long.  I remembered what it was like to feel loved again, by Carey, by all my friends, by my co-volunteers, by all the kids in upstreet who all had insane stories to tell me about whats going on in their lives since superhero summer and what they bought with their pitstop points. so touching to look back and remember that during the summer, i was the person they wanted to see every sunday so they could know what was going to happen to Billy as he learnt all about how Jesus loved him and would keep him out of trouble.
So, im taking last nights post and putting it into better words. I dont want to update until Im .. me. the person you know, and the person i know. It could take years, days, minutes..whatever. all i ask is that you help me, pray for me, mail me a letter, come for a visit, call me… im ok with giving you my address at school and my number. i know i have incredble friends and i know i can get through this. thanks guys.


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