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Monthly Archives: May 2009

– Being away from my fam and my friends and my church weakened me. and even though i may never really realize how much i fall apart every single time, it’s like God looks right past it and just hugs me.  I read something in my devotional the other night that was so real to me it was scary. my devo. uses made up examples to get points across. The story was a girl named Sarah ( do you see the irony already?) who had a boyfriend in college, and was..not necesarily a bad person, but not the type of person who she wanted to be. Her and her boyfriend broke up after things weren’t working out and Sarah fell apart, not eating, worrying about her weight…and right then, I fell apart. It was so real to me, that the story I was reading was my life a year ago. The clear reason for my happiness was when I realized that God was going to take care of me.

so i leave you with my new found favourite bible verse, ive heard it once or twice but sometimes you need to read it for yourself to stick out. lots of love,  sare. 🙂

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12 : 1-2

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i miss home.

I keep forgetting about you blog. I know I said i wouldn’t do this to you but I am a forgetful and at times selfish individual. I will try to pencil you in, somwhere around twitter and dailybooth. You know you will always be the one for me but I got other social networks to please.

Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

good choice, or bad choice?

This is a tough one for me. This time last year i had the perfect life planned out. I was going to go to Georgian College, become a child and youth worker, i was in a fantastic relationship, i thought i was in love, i was going to live at my grandparents house, continue to work at the resort part time and still be close to all my friends.

And all of that crashed in a two week time frame.

The problem i ran away from was a boy. The boy that i was in such a fantastic loving relationship with. All of the sudden, we weren’t nice to eachother, and if we still did love eachother we had a sure lame way of showing it. ( I’m in no way shape or form blaming this on him.. i was a pretty nasty jerk ) but anyway, that ended and all of the sudden i was left with a college i didnt want to go to, a profession i didnt know much about, and a part time job i hated. In 3 months i shaped this perfect life for myself, and in 2 weeks it fell apart.

So i ran

I spent my whole summer taking transfer courses, saving money, and fighting with ontario colleges every day to let me switch. I made the switch and i ran 3 hours away from home, to peterborough. Where every night for the first few weeks of september i held photos of him and sobbed and cried, i ate cereal and only cereal ( those who know me, know i hate cereal with a violent passion) I spent 200 dollars a week in phone calls home and i figured out that this run wasn’t right.

but what was i going to do? My family couldnt possibly want to hear me say yet again that i wanted to change. i stuck it out, and now im the happiest girl ever, taking social work, still 3 hours from home, still talking to my friends, including the friend that made me run in the first place. its been an entire year, and i couldnt possibly think of what i wouldve been doing if i had stayed at home. I’ve started this crazy life here, and i kinda like it.

thanks.

so, for this time i say, running from a problem. good choice.

Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step you took was the worst.
Since then you’ve walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But we’ll never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we’d be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you’d never let it go?
Remember, cause that’s all you can do.
We’ll never make another memory,
We’ll never make another memory.
I wish I’d have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn’t have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real,
You said they were,
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don’t share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I’m sorry that it wasn’t enough.
So, we’ll go our own ways,
And hopefully you’ll remember the things I’ve told you,
Hopefully you’ll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I’ve learned from it.
But aren’t you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don’t consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn’t end this way,
Cause I’m still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when you held my hand like you’d never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we’d be a year from now?

– across five aprils

did you say it? ‘i love you. i don’t ever want to live without you. you changed my life.’ did you say it? make a plan. set a goal. work toward it, but every now and then, look around; drink it in ’cause this is it. it might all be gone tomorrow.
-grey’s anatomy

Have you ever felt that “blah” feeling, and really need to vent and rant

but dont feel like blogging?

im sorry. ill still make some videos and update, but with school, travelling to 2 ends of the country this summer, my best friend getting married in september and everything else, may just turned into one crazy month.

fail

im sorry. 😦

in my defence i took a tour of the kawarthas yesterday (pretty much) then got home late, and then went out with my friends. there was no time for a may 8th post.

so… may eighth, IM HOME! 🙂